Ya know that Daniel Powder song...?

...Its called "Bad Day"...you know it, it was used every time someone got booted off American Idol last year. It's a catchy little tune...Today, it was an "ear worm" for me - that's when a song gets in your head and no matter what you do, you cannot stop singing it in your head, over and over and over...However, my version had different words. "Ya had a fat day, you're gaining a pound. Ya work out so hard but when ya look around, you're surrounded by thin, I mean really really thin, college-aged blondes....." Well, I don't remember exactly, but that's pretty much how it went....

I was feeling pretty good this morning, actually, because I fit into a pair of jeans I haven't worn in over 2 years. This was a major accomplishment, because as you probably know, jeans are not very forgiving. Score one for my self-esteem!

Then, things changed. I've been really good about working out lately...I'm even starting to make it a regular part of my day, like lunch. (heheh!) Well, as I was walking into the locker room today, by some strange freak of nature, every single person I passed was not only 23, but also model-thin, model-beautiful, and model-in shape - men and women. I felt fat. Really fat. I realize this may not be the perception of those around me, but this is how I felt. It was a kick in the gut...literally. Self-esteem one, self-belief zero.

I know full-well that I'm doing a great job on my program, even ABOVE average. And as I said in my very first post, there's going to be some highs and some lows through this journey...and I vowed to share them all with you. I know I've lost almost 15 pounds, I know that I'm doing something healthy for me, I know that I will certainly bounce back from this. But today, for whatever reason, I kept telling myself, "I'll never be thin." Almost like a "Why bother...?" type feeling. Depressing isn't it?

I also know that any time something like this happens, help is a phone call away...if not from friends or family, then from the 24/7 staff at Jenny Craig, who are there for these such instances. But hey, I'm a stubborn Sagittarius...can't help it...

In today's society of instant gratification, unfortunately I have fallen victim to having a very low tolerance for anything that takes longer than 20 minutes. I know the healthy body that I want, and when I began this journey, I had a clear picture of that in my head. It's still there, but somehow it got buried behind 32 years of assuming I could not have that body. I know this is not true...the fact is, I am on my WAY to having that body. All the Jenny Craig cd's I listen to have a recurring theme: "Stop beating yourself up!" I should probably listen to those again...

Anyways, if you're also trying to lose weight right now, and you've had similar feelings, I'm just putting this out there so you know you're not alone...I've just chosen to make my feelings public on the world wide web. (Mental note: re-think offers to share self-deprecating humor in the future...)

STAY STRONG....It certainly isn't always easy, but this time around it's got to be different!

DAMN YOU DANIEL POWDER!!!!
;)

Till next time,
~L

Take THAT, 1/2-pound-week!

Don't have much energy to write this minute, with this incredible illness plaguing my weakened body (sniff sniff, feel sorry for me) but needed to share this with you. My most recent weigh-in resulted in another 3.1 lbs, bringing my total to 14.2 pounds GONE! I literally cannot believe this...especially since I went out to dinner AGAIN this past Friday....ya know, if anyone ever told you diet an exercise wasn't the only safe way to lose weight, they're lying. I'm still not a huge fan of exercise, but being less than 6 pounds away from my half-way point sure is making me like it a little more...

Back to "big red", my red leather sofa, that when I'm sick, seems to wrap itself around me in loving goodness....

I'll be on the mend in no time, and ready to hit the gym again! :)

Ta,
~L

Comfort Food: Neither comfort, nor food....

Saturday morning I woke up with a BLARING sore throat...the kind that resides on one side of your throat, and every swallow brings lightning-like pain to not only that side of the throat, but also to every glad that is situated on that side of your body. I knew something was coming.

I had to work on the air from 6a to 9a, and by the end of my shift I was still feeling "off", but since I was up that early on a Saturday, and the gym was literally right around the corner, I forced myself to go. And after 30 minutes of sweating on the elliptical machine, it was nap time.

I came home and napped, sleeping better than I ever slept in my life...but then I woke up, and it was all over: I was sick. The sore throat pain had morphed into severe pain, and brought along some friends: stuffy nose and body aches. Immediately, 2 words came to mind: comfort food.

I realized, even in my sicky-haze, that bad/junk food has had a big place in every part of my life, even when it SHOULDN'T be there. When you're sick, you should probably focus on foods that are HEALTHY for you, and all I ever focused on was "junk" factor. I craved pizza, fries, burgers, and macaroni and cheese...but wait, I can have macaroni and cheese and still follow my Jenny Craig plan! A more clever plan has never been devised (at least in my illness-induced thought process at the time).

I immediately cooked the ooey gooey delicious JC macaroni and cheese and doused it in my favorite hot sauce: Frank's. The hot sauce cleared up my nose (for a bit), and the mac and cheese made me feel comforted and soothed, without having eaten 500 grams of fat and 39372 calories. I was gonna be ok....another crisis averted....

So it's back to the couch for me, where I've spent the majority of my weekend, nursing whatever this thing is. It's a shame that this happened to plague me when the weather was actually decent enough to take a nice long walk outside...hopefully we're out of the woods weather-wise and we can look forward to a streak of nicer weather...I'm about all set with the negative temperatures...

Next weigh-in is tomorrow...hope I can pull myself from the couch to make it! :)

Till next time,
~L